Lately reality is setting in on "how am I going to juggle four children the way I want to parent?" At home everything runs smoothly, even pretty close to perfect. The girls play well together, we do our "homework" or school books, craft, pretend, play on the floor with a very content Harrison, and just enjoy one another. At the end of those days I go to bed feeling so full because of my house full of kids. I still find time to do housework and keep up with things around here too. Outside in the "real" world I feel like I lose my routine and feel incredibly split between the three kids at times. I come home feeling exhausted and frustrated. Play dates and get togethers can seem like too much work. It makes me sad. I cannot seem to juggle needing to be around Payton and her friends, making sure she plays nicely, respectful, and is a good friend. Playing with Claire who will ask "Mommy please come play with me" or "come watch me" and I often feel like I have abandoned her at the end of the time. Then entertaining Harrison and wrangling him, or feeling terrible he sat in a stroller most of the day. I leave feeling guilty. This is a very hard stage for me and snuck up on me. Jonathan worries we do not do anything with friends anymore, and stay home too much, but how do I be the parent I desire to be in a big group? Most of the time I spend my time hopping back and forth between the kids and never socializing with my friends. I miss them and miss knowing what is going on in their lives. What will it be like when I add the fourth to the mix? Will we become hermits and live in our happy bubble at home? Will our friends understand we miss them terribly? Will it get easier? Is this just one of the hurdles of having four kids 5 and under? Any advice from those who have several children is welcome.
